i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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