Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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