So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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