What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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