He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
