i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
