I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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