why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
