HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
