You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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