Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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