please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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