Ambien. No doubt about it.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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