when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
