then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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