I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
