hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
