duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize