five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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