I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
