dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
