You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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