dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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