I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
