I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Randomize
