Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
