the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
