pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
