I wish I could teleport
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
