I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
