I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
