he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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