Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
