When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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