smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He has the fingertips of a God
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