Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
