I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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