Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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