Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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