If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
