Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
