I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
