Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
