I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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