have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
