Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
