I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
