I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
