listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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