I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
