Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
